We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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