This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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