Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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