Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
