so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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