Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
