we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
