haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
