i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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