he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need a hoe opinion
go on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
