I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
