well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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