just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
