then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
