i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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