Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
