now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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