Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
