1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
