My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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