your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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