dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
