You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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