There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
