I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize