My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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