Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize