allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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