i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
