Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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