remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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