Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
