doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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