DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
