There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
