The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
