You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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