I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
