you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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