saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When are your genitals available?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize