matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
