He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
