Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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