yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
