He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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