I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
