He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
