I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just invented taco cereal.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
