i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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