she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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