He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
