He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
