I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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