Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
