I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize