I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
