I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
