Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
True strength comes from lack of pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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