Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your shirt... Was in my pants