Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!