I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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