I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.