Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience