I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.