jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?