So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.