By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
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