I have demons in me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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