Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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