he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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