new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
