Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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