wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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