If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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